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Robert Benchley, photographed from Vanity Fair

Image via Wikipedia

After finding more typos and poor grammar in my blog I clicked on the link to Henry Rollins in one of my earlier “satirical” monologues.  I had seen an old spoken word of his on YouTube Henry Rollins: on Dating, and found it very funny, and quite insightful.  I could pretty much say the same thing about my dating life with men. I don’t know what planet Henry is on, wait, yes I do, he lives in Los Angeles but he lives in hipster-ville Los Angeles, and I live in suburbia Los Angeles so I imagine he could get plenty of semi-intelligent tail if he wanted. I live among the married set, a voyeur who could live in Venice or Echo Park but have no desire to, besides I did my time in the Tenderloin of San Francisco. Anyway, I find the clip a tad unbelievable.

All the guys I grew up with worshiped at the altar of Henry because he was in the band Black Flag. I tried to listen back then and I just couldn’t get into it. It was all about male aggression or something highbrow, and it just wasn’t my scene. Actually, I had no scene but I admired those that did. I just had a lot of hair and dressed like Annie Hall, went home at lunch to listen to music, read books, and hide from my pack of terrorist girlfriends.

I own 2 Rollin’s Band tunes on my iPod:

Liar

You Didn’t Need

Liar is hysterical in a truly demented, and accurate way, as is You Didn’t Need. The music is really good, I get it, and I’m not terribly into Punk, if that is considered Punk. Of course everyone has their own opinion of what Punk really was/is, blah, blah, blah. I like The Clash, The Pogue’s and the occasional Rob Zombie, but that’s about as hardcore as I get. Upon looking at my iTunes Genre list of Punk this is what comes up:

Christian Death

Circle Jerks

New York Dolls

Frank Zappa

Molotov

Frank Zappa is Punk? Even The Ramone’s are listed as “Rock” so what the hell?  I don’t really care but it’s interesting that the Rollin’s Band is listed as “Alternative”.

As a young girl in the 80’s you had to say that you liked Black Flag to hang out with a certain crowd. Frankly the only reason I said I liked Black Flag was because (naturally) a guy I liked listened to them, and I thought Henry Rollins was handsome. I am even willing to bet some of my girlfriends that the main reason they went to a Black Flag show then or even Henry’s spoken word gigs now, is that he is a hottie.  It doesn’t bother me; at least you are getting something out of it, right? Aesthetic bliss can be just as fulfilling as a mosh pit for some.  Just ask a guy who is out with a beautiful woman if he is listening to her going on about global warming or imagining what she looks like naked, or perhaps imagining her naked talking about global warming.

After watching the YouTube clip of Henry ranting about dating, I have to wonder if anything he was saying was based in reality or if he is a modern day Robert Benchley.  If he really was in a car with a girl who admitted listening to Nickelback and reading Harry Potter then one has to wonder why he picked her for a date in the first place. He sure has a lot of rules and regulations but I guess we all do after you have been in the game for a long time, and are still in it. By the way (if anyone cares), the stack of books by my bed are:

The Viking Book Of Poetry Of The English Speaking World (1941)

Going On Being by Mark Epstein

Buddha by Karen Armstrong

A World Lit Only By Fire by William Manchester

Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe

The Island At The Center Of The World by Russell Shorto

Slouching Towards Kalamazoo by Peter De Vries

Strange Movie Full Of Death by Scott Wannberg

The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks

Yes some light and fun reading that I choose from every night, and no, I don’t read a book all at once, I read a few.  I’m slow. The last children’s(?) book I read was Jonathan Strange &  Mr. Norrell by  Susanna Clark and it was beautifully written; far too complicated for the Potter set. I’ve already gone on about my musical tastes and personally, I prefer the company of people in their 70’s and 80’s more than going to a bar, and you might as well throw me out a speeding car if you are going to force me into a club. I did my time.

I’m glad Henry still has a creative voice, really admire what he does for the US Armed Forces, and since he began the spoken word thing I can enjoy him far more than I did when younger.  In the 90’s I saw his spoken word at Slim’s in San Francisco, come to think of it I saw Mike Watt there too, wow I was so cool. Although lets face it, I was probably on a date.

I just about make Henry’s list regarding women (so gnarly), but I fail because I enjoy single malt now and again. Is he for real? I wonder if he would pass my tests, but wait, I don’t have any. Yes it would be nice if someone could be physically fit without the raging ego that can go with it. Everyone has a weakness, a frailty, (some more than others), but you should at least smell good, not be a narcissist, have compassion, know how to read, and not hate everyone that does not believe in your political opinion. Honestly maybe Henry could start a dating service because I’m sure he knows some brainy, hot dudes looking for love. Then again, at his age they are probably all super angry (like a lot of women) or into the 20 something set (like a lot of women), eh? I sure hope there is a soft side to that guy or he will become granite instead of alabaster. Healthy survivors are made of alabaster (in my humble, ignorant opinion).

Women objectify men almost as much as men objectify women but it isn’t as obvious because it isn’t in the mainstream; advertising hasn’t figured it out yet (although Tom Ford is on his way). Henry has to make a living, so if you are going to his shows because he is beautiful, that’s okay. If you are reading Harry Potter, that’s okay too because at least you are reading; and listen I don’t want to date a man in his 40’s or 50’s that is reading Harry Potter either (unless it’s for his kids) but at this point hanging out with anyone that reads is a delight. If I like a man enough I might even read Harry Potter out loud (naked) to him because that’s the kinda gal I am…but I might have to have a single malt by my side.

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