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Cover of "Confessions (Penguin Classics)&...

Cover of Confessions (Penguin Classics)

I seem to be one of those idiots who people ask advice from.  Yes I say idiot because I keep giving it, and of course nobody listens. I listen to myself go on and on and it is such a bore. Well it’s a bore depending on what the discussion is I guess. Usually it is about men, relationships, etc.  I’m not certain why my friends ask me anything anymore, they know what I’m going to say and they know they aren’t going to listen.  I know this because I did the same thing with my mother. Geez if I had only listened to my mother on occasion!!  We chicks like to complicate things so much.  I think I might be more like a guy these days because I just want things simple. If my brain starts to get scrambled because of a man, well I just turn on the tv. I mean who wants to waste all that great brain power on the what if’s?

I don’t know if there is “the one that got away” in my past. There are a couple that I think of regularly because I liked them as men. They were good men, maybe I just wasn’t good enough at the time, or as they say, “it wasn’t meant to be.”  Then there are one or two that stick in my craw, and make me want to go postal but now that I’m older, I let those thoughts come in and go out like a turnstile. Hello, Goodbyeee.  Swearing quietly under my breath.

2 years ago I saw a man at church. Yeah, I go to church occasionally, want to fight about it? A Catholic church, yeah that’s right! Bring it on! Seriously, challenge me after you’ve listened to a few good stories from an 80-year-old Franciscan, and then we can talk. Or give me a ringeee after you’ve read Confessions of St Augustine, or Thomas Merton!  At least taste the friggin foie gras before you’ve decided you hate it! Taste WHITE WINE for God’s sake! Haven’t you a clue of the ecstasy of certain wines? Flowers Chardonnay? Okay I will move on.

2 years ago I saw a man at church. He was there with his kids and what looked like his mother. I saw no wedding band but that means nothing these days.  He looked at me and I at him. Then I recoiled as I usually do when a man looks at me. My mother even commented on his looks; handsome in a boyish manner, ill-fitting jacket (shoulder pads yikes!) and perhaps the hair dyed. Yes, even my mother gets bored in church, and we comment on whats happening around us.  As we lined up for Communion he passed by and once again tried to catch my eye but I just couldn’t look up. I was petrified.

Since then (duh) I’ve hoped to see him again so I can use my ever-so-confident sister’s advice to hold the stare for at least 3 to 5 seconds and…smile. But I’ve not seen him again.

Is there a moral to this fractured fairytale? I don’t know. Maybe it was an opportunity lost, or maybe God was showing me a new menu. He does that you know?  We wonder why we are lost in a Ground Hogs Day kind of life but it’s because we pick the same stuff from the same menu day after day. Why? Because it’s safe.  I’m not saying go and eat goats eyes or date the first man/woman you lock eyes with, I’m just saying choose another restaurant or at least order something different from the menu. Otherwise the dish will be taken off.