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Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman in the film ...

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Here is some more entertainment for you people in committed relationships. Laugh all you want but beware, it could happen to you!

Okay so why do all the dudes on the dating websites look like serial killers to me? I know I’m a paranoid, but seriously, every guy has an evil smile and blood lust behind his eyes. No, I haven’t checked out what the women look like and I suppose there could be a few fruitcake’s over there too but wow, the pictures scare me. Even the really handsome ones remind me of Christian Bale in American Psycho.

There is something so insulting and degrading about online dating. And please refrain from those anecdotes about your friend who married the love of their life after meeting someone online. I am beginning to think that half of those stories are urban legend.

First of all, it’s a dudes dream: a buffet of desperate women waiting to be charmed, wined, dined, and thrown overboard. As a friend of mine put it, she could have a date every night of the week if she wanted, just by answering all the winks, emails and “favorites” she has gotten. Of course she is fearless and I am a recluse.

Also, I refuse to put up a picture. Yes this defeats the purpose but if I can email my photo to you then that is what I (might) do. Why? Because other than time served in San Francisco, I’ve lived most of my life in Los Angeles, and I know about a million super freaks…some of whom are on these dating websites. Having had several stalkers, I don’t need to encourage the one that lives a block away.

Back to serial killers: Remember Ted Bundy? Supposedly a lot of women found him attractive. Can you imagine the field day he would have on a dating site? Although with today’s gadgetry all around you, it might be harder to be a serial killer in Los Angeles. There are cameras on every corner, in every phone and in everybody’s hand. Big brother, sister, mother, daughter and dog are watching you. That’s why all the serial killers moved to Oregon or other lush landscapes polluted with trees and bad cell service.

I will admit to going on 2 dates from a website a few years ago. One lied about his height: my being 5’8 and his being 5’5 was a challenge. He was a decent enough fellow and we had a nice time but decided we were not a match. The other dude lied about his age making himself younger than his actual 45. I asked him why and he said young women do not want to go out with older men. Boy was this guy confused.

The last time I tested the online waters my sister and her friend filled out my profile because they felt I would only attract poets, artists and the penniless. The fellow they attracted for me was a chatty guy who within 10 minutes of phone conversation asked me how much I weighed. My response was that since I had just had food poisoning, and had spent the weekend throwing up, I had probably lost a lot of weight.

Needless to say we never met.