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An American in Paris (1951)

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Okay so we’ve established that at least one Henry Rollins fan read my nonsense about objectifying Henry, and that the fan has no sense of humor…which in itself is ironic and funny.

I’ve established that I’m odd, live a somewhat “alternative” lifestyle, that I killed my Irish zombie chef, like dogs, The Clash, Reggae, books, wine, Iyengar yoga, art, etc. I’m in NO way perfect nor do I wish to be. The one thing I think I can safely say is that I’m honest. My honesty may be deceptive at times because who knows why I am responding or what I am responding to. I could be responding to something abusive my dad said to me 15 years ago or I could be responding to an amazing yoga class or perfect nose I saw in the supermarket that morning. What I’m trying to say is that I do my best to come from an honest place, not a cruel one, just honest like a curious child. A kind of slow-witted child, but a child nonetheless. I want to question things that I am supposed to know already, I don’t want to act like I know everything, every nuance, every game…which brings me to my title. What the hell is with everyone’s fecking emotional song and dance? Why the incessant need to dodge anything that makes you uncomfortable like that red rubber ball that would hit you upside the head with such force you saw stars on the playground? We are not only living in a time of frightening narcissism but humans have turned into great big chickens. (And we all know what happens when you question a narcissistic chicken.)

My mother has another annoying expression that she likes to use when I’m complaining (moi?) about the insensitivity of some people. She usually says: “consider the source”.  Well if I consider some of the sources I’ve used as an oracle, I might turn to stone. Denial and self-loathing are living the highlife these days, sucking up my love, attention, compassion and knowledge. Taking my best lines and using them to defend themselves against the evil of reality!  The irony is that reality is good, bad or indifferent on every day of the year…for everyone! So just who exactly do you think you are fooling with the routine?

(By the way, this is not directed at anyone specific because I’m seeing so much of this behavior in so many lately it’s dizzying)

Can someone just please explain to me what everyone is so afraid of? (and if anyone names a politician I will happily call you insensitive) I have had a pretty good life and feel extremely grateful for all that I have. Does that mean I haven’t had some doozy situations in my life that were incredibly challenging, painful and terrifying? Nope. Sure I have the occasional bout of shame for some of the knuckleheaded manuevers I’ve pulled but hey, I’m only human (not poultry) and try to learn from my experiences.

Perhaps on this eve of Independence Day I’m questioning people in my life or at the very least questioning why I allow certain behavior to continue around me. Where does one draw the boundary on bad behavior? How much do we give to others because we feel their pain, are trying to be polite or hoping for a little love and affection in return? What are we supposed to do with the ones who dance around like Gene Kelly with a brand new ball chucking it at your heart?

I like to think about a game we played as children called Butt’s Up. Perhaps some of you are familiar with this sport? Basically one person throws a tennis ball at a wall and everyone runs to touch the wall before the ball comes back to the pitcher. If the pitcher catches the ball before you touch the wall, well, you are in trouble. You then have to kneel in front of the wall with your backside in the air and let the pitcher throw that ball at your rear-end as hard as they like.  Only a child could make up a game like this, and only an adult will continue to play and accept the punishment for everyone playing – even if they touched the wall.

 

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