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Your hair smelled like a Montepulciano
old Italian wine
that’s what I remember most
moldy earth
what is that
why do I remember your smell
more than others
why you
why NOW
for the love of God
And all that is holy
why do you keep making appearances
in my dream life
I’ll give you this
you’re far far nicer
in my dreams
more loving
You acknowledge me
I exist
I’m not an afterthought
I’m not a prop
I’m not an annoyance
we are a team
it’s happy
It’s loving
it’s fun
it’s creative
it’s responsible
it’s adult
it’s healthy
it’s sexy as hell
all of those things are sexy
it isn’t that complicated
unless you’re not capable
if you’re not present
and being present is scary
I miss it all
I feel old
I know I’m not
I want to call you
but you’re not real
so I can’t find your number
you’re an amalgamation
of what not
But still
I wish you a Merry Christmas
Wherever you are