Tags

,

The typical zombie.

Image via Wikipedia

Those of you safely ensconced in a relationship must feel a sense of security, a barrier of sorts from the rest of the big bad world. It must be nice to have that foxhole buddy, the one who always has your back to deflect bullets, massage or scratch.

Those of us out here on our own have to keep looking over our shoulders because we don’t have that person to protect us. Sure from time to time you get a crick in your neck because it’s hard to keep looking over your shoulder, it’s hard to keep your eyes and heart open when you are constantly on guard. It’s exhausting actually. Just when you think you can sit back, roll a cigarette, sip from your flask and write home to mom, someone drops a fucking grenade in your lap.

I’m here to tell you that the zombie invasion started a long time ago. We are living among them and you had better make sure you haven’t been bitten. How do you know if you are a zombie? Would you tell your friends? You know, if you tell your friends they have to kill you, right? I mean it’s the proper thing to do – chop your blood sucking head off and mind the splatter.

Not sure if you are one of the un-dead? Seriously? Okay I will let you in on a little secret. A sure-fire way to find out if you eat brains is to look up the definition of Narcissism. Okay I can hear your moans and groans, “Here she goes again!” but I’m just telling it like it is. Go read another blog about growing tomatoes or something because my speciality are zombies aka narcissists.

Another word of advice? Don’t look up the definition on your computer at work because if the boss finds out he might assume you are one of “them”, and he will have to blow your head off. But look it up, seriously – go ahead. Because if you can honestly answer yes to any of the traits you had better get to a doctor before you infect others. Nobody has to know – just do it. I’m not saying there is a cure but hey, it’s worth a shot. Especially before you infect your children.

For if you do not try to heal yourself you are going to die a slow, painful and lonely death. Foxhole buddy or not if you have been bitten you are not going to keep many friends, lovers, etc. Sure you can mock me behind my back. I’m not stupid, shell-shocked yes, but not stupid. Mock me to my face and you had better run because I’m a good shot. Just ask Supermarket Man. Oh wait you can’t because he’s dead!

RELATED ARTICLES
Advertisements