Okay go check out that blog on Alaska because I’m about to vent.
You had to have seen this coming, yes? I think my venting is somewhat like ranting but ranting is kind of irrational, right? Okay so I’m irrationally angry right now. Why? Because i think I hit my emotional wall. I’ve taken all I can for a bit but yes, if I have to take more I will. Venting is letting off some pressure and if I don’t release the valve, I’m going to explode. And trust me, watching Walter go insane is not something you want to see.
Disclaimer: go read that blog on Alaska. I hear Nome is nice.
Since January I’ve lost 4 pivotal people in my life. All 4 people died of natural causes (cancer, heart disease) but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. 2 were very close to me and 2 were distant but important in the making (influencing) of me.
This week my father went into a nursing home. Do I really need to explain that kind of stress? I haven’t seen him in a year but trust me it has an impact.
And then there are the people who I have called “friend” who have let me down in the most insensitive of ways. Heck, we might as well throw in my retched dating life too. What the hell?
I’m healthy, the rest of my family is healthy. My sciatica is gone (don’t say anything), I’m making money and still have some VERY good friends.
I know of at least 2 ex-boyfriends who read my blog and still like me as a human being. Imagine that? (Guys, if you are just humoring me please continue to do so or at least wait a bit before you let me have it, okay?)
What is irrational about my anger? My trying to be heard by those who hurt me.
I’m that nut remember? I’m the nut who keeps doing the same thing over and over hoping for a different outcome. I’m beseeching the wrong ears and only hurting myself more.
I guess there is still some venom left in my veins from the last 6 months of selfish people and that venom is making me sick. Getting angry is okay but letting it into my body ain’t good. I have to let go and there is nothing else to be done.
2 steps forward, 3 steps back, etc.
But let me end this rant on a happier note! Yesterday, a man in yoga told me that his friend had come up with the perfect elixir for a happy life. (He said the word elixir so don’t get mad that it isn’t a potion.) His friend said that there are 3 things a day that we need as humans to be happy. I shall list them below:
3) Making Art
There you have it. Yes, getting into the ocean is cleansing, healthy and fun. Sex can be cleansing, healthy and fun. Art isn’t always clean but it’s the process that makes you happy. (By the way, I consider cooking an art form as well as gardening.)
Well people, I have at least one of those things covered…no wonder I’m so pissed off.
PS. I’d like to add a 4th requirement for happiness: giving back.