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Used Car Lot 1967

Image by Hugo90 via Flickr

I know used cars are not what they once were or that not all used cars are lemons, but what about people? I’ve met many recently that sold themselves to me as slightly used but overall great quality, no rust, strong dispositions, and an 8 track tape complete with surround sound. (It’s a shame to call defective cars, lemons. I like lemons. I suppose that is because of the bitter aftertaste?)

The first few rides are fantastic. Seeing as how I love old things, a few minor flaws are actually a bonus. But after the initial glow wears off, and a few bumps are hit in the road, and the engine falls apart, what then?

What I’m saying is that I’ve met so many people lately that have a wonderful song and dance routine but scratch the surface and there is nothing of substance under the hood. (I like to mix my metaphors.)

When I balk at the tin sound coming from the 8 track, the sales rep usually becomes indignant and points the finger at me, as if to say, “Well what did you expect?”

I expected an 8 track with surround sound!

Just be yourself – whoever that may be, don’t try to sell me something you are not and never reprimand me for lifting the veil on who you really are. That is when you will see the temper that I warned you about. Because when you do something wrong but blame me and accept no responsibility for your actions, I know exactly what you are: Narcissist.

I am a professional with many years of experience and though some of you are extraordinary opponents, I shall out you faster than you expected. (Nothing makes a narcissist angrier than calling them on their behavior, or questioning their actions.) POW! KABLOOEY!

I don’t care how flawed people are, I really don’t. I only care about if you are taking care of your engine. We are all flawed, some more than others, but our flaws are what make us unique. If you make a mistake there is no shame, just apologize and move on, don’t blame someone else. But if someone appears too good to be true, then yep, they are untrue. It isn’t that hard to be a nice, kind and thoughtful human but sometimes you have to get your hands dirty if you want to play with others. Narcissists only want to take and when you do not serve their plan, you get the boot.

I used to think there was only one kind of Narcissist but now I’ve begun to see all the different disguises they come in. There is the “perpetual victim”, the “wounded warrior”, the “aw shucks I’m a mess but am trying”, the “I’m a genius but cool”, “I’m enlightened”, and the list goes on. The ones that are really scary are the ones that tell you how screwed up they are but never do anything about it. All in all, they want you to think they are good people, no matter what, and will say whatever they think you want to hear. But they will never actually be who they say they are, never.

Apologize when you’ve lied about your qualities and all should be fine…unless you keep telling falsehoods. Of course how do we know when someone is a lemon (narcissist)? You can’t exactly take someone to a shrink before you spend time with them. You can take a car to the mechanic and then hope your ride lives long, but you can’t do that with human beings.

I suppose the true test is when you have to decide to keep that lemon in your life. Are they worth it?

Ever repetitive, I shall remind you folks what a psychiatrist told me in passing. I asked him if there was a cure for Narcissism, he said yes but that the person has to admit to the disease first…which is rare. Then it takes years and years of therapy. His advice?

“Run, don’t walk!”

Below ye shall find a rather thorough description of Narcissism. Read it carefully, it’s gnarly!:

  CHARACTERISTICS of the NARCISSIST 

1. Self-centered. His needs are paramount.

2. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds.

3. Unreliable, undependable.

4. Does not care about the consequences of his actions.

5. Projects faults on to others. High
blaming behavior; never his fault.

6.  Little if any conscience.

7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others.

8.  Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others.

9.  Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage.

10.  People are to be manipulated for his needs.

11.  Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to his gain at other’s expense.  If trapped, keeps
talking, changes the subject or gets angry.

12. Pathological lying.

13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.

14.  No real values.  Mostly situational.

15.  Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.

16.  Angry, mercurial, moods.

17.  Uses sex to control

18.  Does not  share ideas, feelings, emotions.

19.  Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.

20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.

21. Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities.

22.  Likes annoying others. Likes to create chaos and  disrupt for no reason.

23.  Moody – switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.

24.  Repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations.

25.  Seldom expresses appreciation.

26.  Grandiose. Convinced he knows more than others and is correct in all he   does.

27.  Lacks ability to see how he comes across to others.  Defensive when confronted with his behavior.  Never his  fault.

28.  Can get emotional, tearful. This is about show or frustration rather thansorrow.

29.  He breaks woman’s spirits to keep them dependent.

30.  Needs  threats, intimidations to keep others close to him.

31.  Sabotages partner. Wants her to be happy only through him and to have few or no outside interests and acquaintances.

32.  Highly contradictory.

33. Convincing.  Must convince people to side with him.

34. Hides his real self.  Always “on”

35. Kind only if he’s getting from you what he wants.

36.  He has to be right. He has to win. He has to look good.

37.  He announces, not discusses. He tells, not asks.

38.  Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda.

39.  Controls money of others but spends freely on himself.

40.  Unilateral condition of, “I’m OK and justified so I don’t need to hear your position or ideas”

41.  Always feels misunderstood.

42.  You feel miserable with this person. He drains you.

43.  Does not listen because he does not care.

44.  His feelings are discussed, not the partners.

45.  Is not interested in problem-solving..

46.  Very good at reading people, so he can manipulate them.  Sometimes calledgaslighting.

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